Because We Picked Well

As we’ve been shopping for our upcoming 15th anniversary of coupledom - 13 years of marriage - we’ve been getting several variations of the same question lately: “do you have any advice on marriage”, “what’s the secret to staying married”, and “how did you stay married for so long?” People inquire like there is some magic answer to ensure the success of their own union. The truth is there is no heavily guarded secret to keeping a marriage together. You’re either in it 100% or you’re not in it at all. To love someone is work, plain and simple. It is a job that offers no monetary compensation, but if it is performed with everything you’re heart, mind, and soul has to give; the reward is beyond any measurable payback. There is no reason Brik and I sit here preparing to celebrate yet another anniversary together other than we have refused, still refuse, and will forever refuse to give up on each other. We do not have a perfect marriage. We have not made every decision right. We do not hope luck carries us through. We work, everyday, to put the other first. We think of the other in every decision we make. When I go to Wal-Mart I tell my spouse, I ask what he needs, and I hurry back to him because I didn’t get married to waste my time away in some chain department store avoiding my home. I married him because he is who I want to be with, every day, every night, and every second in between. He is my best friend, and even that is too lax of a word to describe his place in my life. I wake up and look for his eyes to meet mine; sometimes watching him like a new mother watches her newborn sleep. He wakes up and sits at the edge of the bed before gently waking me up with a simple shoulder rub and a sweet morning hello. It’s respect. It’s kindness. It’s love. The truth is; your life only repays you in the areas you nourish. If you nourish friendships, you will have ample buddies to spend your seconds with. If you nourish family, your will have many memories of mom, dad, brothers, sisters, and grandparents. If you nourish your profession, you will be successful at your job. If you nourish your connection with your spouse, you will have a love that lasts a lifetime - but everyday isn’t easy. If you’re getting married expecting your union to be a breeze, you might as well draft your divorce papers now. Nothing worth having in life comes without blood, sweat, and the occasional tear… NOTHING! The only reason we have awaken next to each other for the past 5,475 days is because there is no other option in our book; and we picked someone who understands this tiny truth to be the foundation of everything that is good in our life. The only real secret to our love: we picked well. We picked someone who shares the same goals. We picked someone who puts love before everything else. We picked someone who is willing to grow together instead of pulling apart when things get beyond tough. We picked someone who is able to see their own faults. We picked someone who puts “us” above everything else. We picked someone who trusts the truth will solve all. We picked someone who knows how to forgive. We picked someone who has fight. We picked someone who is able to redefine love as the stages of our life required something more than how we defined the word before. And we picked someone we simply couldn’t live without. There is no secret to love, or marriage, or happily ever after. There is no statistic that you’re determined to fit. There is no algorithm to ensure success. And there is no way to know what your future holds. But if you nurture what’s important, see the world and people for who they really are, and fight hand in hand for the common goals in both of your hearts – your love will carry on. This I know for sure. And I’m just thankful Brik and I picked so well 15 long years ago…